It was one of those days where I needed a do-over. All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and bury my head underneath the pillow, but the kids were hungry and Daddy was coming home soon.
I sent up a few weak prayers, but my heart wasn’t in them. Anxiety consumed me and came spilling out of my tone, gait, and words.
The prince of this world pinpointed my weakness and I caved. Late payment on our rental house was followed by an unexpected car repair. Then, our property manager emailed us about another plumbing issue.
Sometimes when my security blanket is yanked away from me, I cover myself with anger and sarcasm rather than calling on God.
And although my snarky remarks get me nowhere, I somehow think hiding behind them will make the situation better. Yesterday, my loving husband reminded me it’s during these moments when our faith is tested that we have the most opportunity for growth.
Why do I so often think I am only blessed in times of joy and rest? If I only praise God during the harvest, what does it say about my faith during the famine?
No only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:4-5 NIV
The hope referenced here is not in tangible things, friends. Hope in the funds my bank account holds or a retirement plan is not one which will carry me through the troubled waters of life.
It will always disappoint.
And yet, so often that is exactly where I place it. It is through God’s grace that I’m able to come back to the truth and claim it for my own. I grasp his freedom breathing Word, and it radiates through me.
When I continue to give thanks through the troubles of life, Jesus’ love shines in all its glory.
I become a vessel for others to see the peace he brings. They are drawn to this hope which brings joy despite any circumstance.
I don’t want to be a stumbling block between Jesus and those he places in my life. I want to be the person who points them to the truth.
And the truth is that when I surrender these burdens to him, he brings serenity to my heart. Even though I don’t understand it, I am endlessly grateful.
Although my circumstances have not changed, my attitude has.
Covered by his Spirit instead of my cynicism, I find the rest my soul was searching for.