When Communication With Your Spouse Breaks Down

marriage 2

The snarky remark came tumbling out of my mouth before I had time to think about the outcome. I saw the look on my husband’s face, and I knew I shouldn’t have said it. Immediately, I began trying to explain away the hurt already caused.

But the words were already out there, the line of communication severed. My husband was trying to ease my worry over a stressful financial situation, but instead of hearing him I’d decided to defend my attitude.

We often focus more on being right than trying to mend the wound, don’t we? Our pride blinds us from seeing the damage that is growing with each syllable.

My instincts told me to get defensive. After all, hadn’t I tried to address this situation a week ago? We’d exchanged a few sentences over the subject and I thought we were on the same page.

When it comes to relationships, assuming the other person can see the inner workings of your mind only leads to frustration and disappointment.

If I’d talked to my husband about the matter nearly as much as I’d thought about it, perhaps we would understand each other. But between kids and bedtimes and chores and other demands, somehow the conversation kept getting put off. Over and over. Until the tension mounted and my snide words came tumbling into the room.

In my tiredness I had let the mind-numbing noise of the T.V. do the talking for us both for weeks on end, butΒ The VoiceΒ doesn’t do a very good job of voicing my thoughts.

As I stood there in the kitchen regretting my words, I realized the need for me to be intentional. The need to communicate with my husband instead of just thinking about it. That means not trying to have a conversation when I’m rushing out the door to make an appointment or assuming that he knows what’s bothering me without my taking the time to explain it.

When I don’t take the time to communicate with my spouse, I sever the bond that unifies our marriage.

Proverbs 25:24 says, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have my husband in the house with me than on the corner of a roof. Nor do I want be the reason he wants to live there.Β I want to our kids to see a unit that is strong, healthy and reflective of Christ.

And a healthy marriage is not something we simply find. It is something we have to work toward. Each and every day.

I knew I was wrong after uttering those hurtful words and I apologized. I explained what I wrongfully assumed my husband already knew, and we made plans to sit down and talk about a solution.

If there is a problem or cause of tension that is creating disfunction in your marriage, can I encourage you to sit down and talk to your spouse about it? One of the worst reactions is to simply do nothing.

When we invite our partner into our world, the loneliness and stress start to dissipate. When we realize that we’re working together as a team, we become stronger.


*Photo credit (text added)

*Linking up with Suzie Eller’s #LiveFreeThursday. Come join us and be inspired.

25 thoughts on “When Communication With Your Spouse Breaks Down

  1. I love the honesty of this post, Abby. My heart is there right now . . . sharing the messy and beautiful moments of marriage. I think sharing them helps remind me that marriage so takes being intentional. And it takes being intentional Every. Single. Day. But the effort we put into it will be so worth it. Thank you for sharing your heart and for encouraging others.
    Much love.


    • Yes, there are so many times when my husband does read my mind but I have to remember that it isn’t a given. πŸ˜‰ I think you become more alike the longer you’re together, but you’re still individuals who need to take time to communicate. Thanks so much for your encouragement, Bev. Have a great weekend!


  2. Thanks so much for sharing openly and honestly, Abby. I also find that it’s so easy to let communication with my husband take the back burner, but then tension boils over. I try to find even small pockets of time to talk, during those busy weeks when we don’t have our regular date night. Even a few minutes of calm conversation can help!


    • Yes, even it’s true that even those few minutes can help, especially if we’re calm. πŸ˜‰ Intentionality is definitely key. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts here today, Betsy.


  3. How many times have my words and thoughts gotten me in trouble! Both when I speak them and when I don’t! Thanks for sharing this, Abby.


  4. I struggle with being open and honest with my husband when I am upset and it has something to do with him or our family. I keep so much to myself that I explode. He is so loving, forgiving and understanding. There is so much wisdom in your post. My take away from you writing today is that I do need to be intentional about taking time outs with my husband and discussing issues that need to be addressed before they get out of hand. Thanks for sharing such Godly advice. It is such a blessing for me to be encouraged by Godly women like you.


    • Yes, this is a work in progress for me, Lisa, as I often get so tired and busy with life’s demands that I don’t take the time. But it definitely pays off when I do. Thanks for your kind words here today. You bless me too, friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You’d think after being married for 22 years, marriage would be easy. But it’s not. My husband and I still have to work at it every single day. I love this post, Abby. I appreciate the wisdom you shared, and the hope you are living out in your marriage. God bless you!


  6. Communication is one area that my husband and I are always needing to work on! I don’t purposefully say hurtful things (and neither does he), but we seem to have more than our fair share of misunderstandings! Thanks for joining us at Equipping Godly Women Fellowship Fridays this week!


  7. Wow, I have problems communicating with my husband. But God is helping me with that! Thanks for sharing such an encouraging words.


  8. Pinned this! Communication is so vital. And you addressed the issue humbly and very well. Thanks for your honesty, Abby. And sometimes I have found that when my mouth would spout without consideration for my husband’s heart it was often because my heart was overrun with fear. Lacking faith. And it all keeps taking me back to Jesus and me!! #livefreeThursday


    • Thanks for sharing, Sheila! Yes, you are right. Faith is such a key issue and in this case I was lacking it. I’m so thankful for God’s continual patience with me.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Abby, thanks for encouraging me in my marriage today: “a healthy marriage is not something we simply find.” I often take that for granted and appreciate your inspiration today to #livefree! Kim Stewart


  10. Be intentional. I love those words, Abby. I also learned so much from what you said about the conversation in your mind. If I determined to have the same amount of conversation with my husband that I have in my mind, how much stronger our relationship would be! Thank you for your powerful words. Visiting today from #LiveFree Thursday.


    • Thank you so much for visiting! I agree; having those conversations with my spouse instead of having them in my head has been a process, but I’m slowly learning. πŸ˜‰ Thank God for his patience.

      Liked by 1 person

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