Looking Forward, Looking Back

 

Birthdays can bring a lot of conflicting feelings. Joy mixed with sorrow. Discouragement mixed with gratitude. Anticipation mingled with quiet reflection.

Today, I could think about all of the goals I hoped to accomplish during the past year but didn’t. I could stress about the looming task of potty-training my son. I could let defeat steal my joy because I am behind on oh-so-many things.

But instead, as I ponder the past thirty-six years I spent on this earth, there is one word that is my refrain. Thankful. More than thankful. Overwhelmed. I’m overwhelmed that the same God who set the galaxies in motion thought of me.

He made me on purpose, for a purpose.

He made me unique, with dreams and aspirations no one can fulfill but me. Each glint in my eye part of a greater masterpiece, a part connecting to the whole.

He saw it fit for me to have a chapter in a story grander than I could ever imagine. Not because I was deserving, but because his love is never-ending. He sent his most perfect gift, his flawless son, as an atoning sacrifice so I may live in eternal communion with Him and know peace and hope.

As I grow older with each passing year and the fine lines around my eyes become more visible, I am increasingly aware with each second of what is important in this life.

And painfully aware of what isn’t.

I want to grab hold of the friends and family who are so dear to me and love them with my whole heart. I want to live life, and not just go through the motions.

As I sit across from my husband at dinner, I realize again with awe and wonder that God chose this man for me. This man who cherishes me in spite of my quirks and flaws, who pushes me to be brave and become the very best version of myself.

I count gifts and see that the items on my list are rarely things, but memories. Rarely material, but able to fill my whole soul.

Psalm 150:6 says, “Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.”

Today, I’m lifting my voice to the heavens. I’m praising the one who knew how many times I would falter. The one who saw all the years I would wander in bitterness and pride.

And yet He still chose to say without a shadow of a doubt, “She is mine.”

 

*Linking up with Meredith Bernard and Holley Gerth today.