The realization came as a blow to both my pride and my false sense of control. He did not want me to fix it. He wanted me to let it go.
For months I’d offered opinions as much as I’d offered up prayers.
For months I’d judged behavior more than I’d offered love and support.
Sleepless nights left me seeking apologies from those closest to me. I knew they were not the source of the problem, but often our wailing falls on whatever ears will listen.
In the midst of my utter lack of control, I tried to keep a spotless home. One day in early fall a friend stopped by for an impromptu visit and remarked on how immaculate my home was. It the middle of the day, but everything was tidy and in its place.
She had no idea how chaotic my life felt. She didn’t know how in my current season, this house was the only place I felt peace.
There are few valleys more brutal than watching a loved one self-destruct. And while you desire nothing more than to offer a permanent solution, the only Fixer is not of this world.
True soul mending comes from above and within, not pat answers and easy formulas.
The best answer we can offer? Unconditional love. Though we draw a boundary to protect ourselves and our families, we let our brothers and sisters know we will love them no matter what.
We will be here when they come home. We will be here when they decide to call on the Name of the only one who can heal even the deepest hurt.
Jesus came to heal the sick so we could share his gift with others, not judge others.
On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.”
Matthew 9:12 NIV
I think of how far he’s brought me far from the pit I was in, I know it is only by his divine grace that I am here. It is by his mercy that I am not still wallowing in my depression, my anger and resentment.
The only trait which distinguishes me is that I called on the name of Jesus when I was at my worst. And he transformed me into someone who could bring Light and life to those who don’t know whose name to call.
I want to be a Light-bearer, not a control-freak. Lord knows the world is much safer in his hands than mine. So today, I’m giving it to him.
I’m giving him the weight of the world. I can’t handle it on these frail shoulders anymore.
I’m trading my clenched fists for hands extended in praise. Because I know in his sovereign power and grace he can transform any heart and exalt it, in his time.
And time is something I don’t want to waste.