I replayed the conversation in my head, wishing I’d responded differently. Why did I get so defensive when others didn’t see things my way? Instead of trying to see the other person’s point of view and finding a common ground, I’d put up a wall between us. Sure, we remained polite to each other, but there was an unspoken tension that kept our conversations short.
I knew I needed to bring the matter to God. I needed wisdom and guidance, but every time I tried to pray, I couldn’t utter the words. How many times would God listen to me? With every step I took forward in my relationships, faith and goals, it seemed I always took two steps back. I was sure that God was tired of hearing about the same problems on repeat.
So like the invisible wall between me and my loved one, I built a wall between myself and God. I convinced myself he didn’t want to hear from me. I convinced myself he was disappointed in me and was done helping with my issues, complaints and worries.
Isn’t it amazing how we project the shortcomings we have as humans onto a holy, perfectly loving God? We face hurt and rejection in other relationships, so we persuade ourselves that God will turn his back on us too. We are disappointed in our own shortcomings, by our friends and our family members, so we think God is disappointed too.
For years I felt this way.
Will you continue reading with me? I’m sharing over at iBelieve about what God showed me and I’d love to have you join us there. Click here to read the rest of this post.