Sometimes our altars to the Lord can become idols.
When I started this blog two years ago, it was an offering to my Creator. I moved past my fears of being judged and stepped out in faith. I tossed aside my stereotypes and prideful assumptions about blogging and embraced humility.
The more I shared truth and was vulnerable with my readers, the more I realized I wasn’t alone. My story was my testimony to God’s redemptive power.
Through his grace and love God used me to shine his light into dark places. The more authentic I was, the brighter the light became.
Dreams I didn’t know I had came alive. I connected to people across the globe and formed relationships with women who became sisters.
Something inside me awakened and for the first time in years, I felt God was using me to make a difference in this big, beautiful world.
But somewhere along the way, my vision was skewed. I heard the word “platform” for the first time. When I realized in the publishing world this concept is a big deal, I became obsessed with the numbers, comments, and likes. Anxiousness consumed me some days.
I wondered if I’d heard God wrong.
Then two weeks ago I attended a life changing conference. I was surrounded by women who sought God’s will for their lives and he showed me some of the ugly insecurities I’d allowed to take root in my heart.
When I returned, my computer died. My tool for pouring out words to each of you was gone, and despite the noise of a house filled with boys, I sensed God speak.
The gift can never become more important than the Giver.
I had become so focused on performance that the altar I’d built to the Lord was forgotten. Instead of offering up my words in an act of worship, I’d become a machine, thinking if I stopped to rest I would drown.
When the only words we write are the ones we share, we become depleted. This working out our salvation becomes about the audience instead of the Spirit.
But the audience of readers cannot replace the audience of One.
So for the past two weeks, I’ve realigned my heart. I’ve journaled for the first time in months and found that space of quiet: just me and God.
It hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies and he’s shown me some dark places in myself.
But when we bring the dark spots to the Ultimate Light Giver, the real working out of our salvation begins. We can change, heal and grow.
So today, I come to you refreshed. I share not out of a need to perform, but out of a deep desire to share his grace.
Through our weaknesses, he’s able to do his most brilliant work. When we lay it all at his feet, his transforms those idols into testimonies of redemption.