Learning the Balancing Act of Motherhood

let go

My oldest son is three when I watch him fall face first into the pool, an accident which could have cost him his life if adults were not nearby. He is fully clothed and without a flotation devise, trying to reach a toy that drifted away from him. Fortunately, my sister-in-law sees him immediately and quickly pulls him out, unharmed.

For months after the incident, Jaden is terrified to go in water if his feet do not touch the bottom. Gradually, with the use of swimmies and life vests, he gains confidence. Then one day, when I phone the grandparents where he’s staying for a few days, he tells me he’s been, “diving into the pool all day.”

He hears my smile over the phone.

This journey of motherhood is a constant balancing act between pulling back and letting go.

I push him to keep going when he falls down, but restrain myself from pushing too hard. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing it all right.

I see him finding his way, making friends, rising above the influence of the mean kids, and I’m filled with a sense of pride at how far my child has come. And then he gets off the bus after his last day of kindergarten and I just want to freeze frame that moment. To slow it all down and stop the ever fast movement of time from one day to the next and the next.

IMG_1539

I breathe and I soak it all in. I try to never miss an opportunity to tell him I love him.

As I open my Bible to spend time with the Creator, I turn to the promise He’s given me for my children.

“Train a child up in the way he should go; And when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

I own it. I pray it. In every way possible, I instruct him to the right path, and then I give him over to God.

Some days I wake up and the road is hard. The boys are fighting, my tongue gets harsh and I yell. These long hours of parenting wear me thin and I fail, over and over again. And on days like this, I am quick to say, “I’m sorry” and ask forgiveness.

My kids need to see that while I am a parent, I am also a human who makes mistakes. The balancing act between pulling back and letting go also means letting go of my need to always be right.

I’m constantly learning the steps to this dance, and I know that my feet may stumble. Some days require a little more letting go. Other days scream to pull back. But as I move my feet and my hands, finding the groove as a go, I know that I am not alone. My husband takes one hand as we reach toward our Father with the other.

Together, with all three of us moving in sync, anything is possible.

 

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Learning the Balancing Act of Motherhood

  1. I think one of the most powerful things we can say to our children is “I’m sorry.” Letting them see our faults and our vulnerabilities will surely help them make peace with their own.

    Like

  2. My mother-in-law is staying with us this week and she hasn’t see the kids in person for a year and can’t believe they are both taller than she is. It’s flying by. And every stage requires us to let go a little more. I am struggling with it, not because I don’t trust them, but I’m not quite ready. I fail too. Almost every day. And I am quick to apologize and explain and listen to their feelings. I loved your post today. I had to go right back and look a couple of Kindergarten pics of my kiddos!

    Like

    • You are always such an encouragement to me, Lisa. Thank you so much for visiting today. I recently had to go back and look at my two boys’ newborn pictures. Oh, how much they’ve grown in a short time. Living each moment.

      Like

  3. Oh, that letting go gets even harder when they hit the high school years! It’s also hard to know when to keep holding on because even in high school, they need some of that too! 🙂

    Like

  4. You said it so well, Abby, the balancing act of pulling back and letting go is the hardest thing for me to grasp, as well. And so often I feel like I’m doing it all wrong. As I say in my post tomorrow, I feel like “I’m messing them up.” But, GOD. But, GRACE. We do the best we can, lead then to Christ, apologize A LOT and let grace cover the rest. Love your words and your heart hear. And I’m right beside you hanging in the balance of it all. xoxo, Meredith

    Like

Share your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s