What if Marriage Wasn’t Designed to Make Us Happy?


There’s nothing like marriage to show you how selfish of a person you truly are.  Outside of your parents and possibly a roommate, there are few people who are with you day in and day out, and see the good, bad, and all the in-between.  The dirty laundry that’s accumulated for days.  The dishes piled in the sink.

Nothing wipes the honeymoon out of your eyes like the mundane monotony of the day-to-day.

Your husband? He sees the credit card debt you’ve been accumulating.  If you let him, he may even see the bones you’ve been hiding in that closet of yours for far too long.

I used to think that people got married so that they’d be happy.  They’d have someone to wake up to each morning, to take evening walks with after dinner, to share life and journey through all the peaks and valleys of life.

And while all of those things are wonderful and certainly aspects we hope to achieve, I realized they are not what this sacred covenant is about.  Being a wife isn’t simply about having someone to grow old with or rock in rickety chairs on the porch when we’re in our eighties.

Here’s what the Bible has to say about what a wife should look like.  In Proverbs 31:11, it states, “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.”

He lacks nothing.  Can my husband say this about me?  I would like to think so, but knowledge of my own human nature tells me different.

It reminds me of that snippy remark I made the other night when he arrived home from work late.  It shows me times when I’ve withdrawn a loving embrace because I simply didn’t feel like giving it, even though I knew he needed it.

In Gary Thomas’ book, Sacred Marriage, he asserts that God didn’t design marriage to merely make us happy.  He created marriage to make us holy.

Holy, sisters.  I don’t know about you, but I haven’t felt very holy lately.

Our marriage, as stated in Ephesians 5, is a living picture of the Christ’s relationship with the church.  It is a testimony to all who see it, a placard which states in loud letters, “You see this? This is what God’s love looks like.”

wedding pic1

This knowledge fills me with a huge sense of responsibility.  I want to be that wife my husband can look at and say, “I have full confidence in her.  I trust her with my life.  She is the picture of Christ’s love.”

To move from glory to glory we must begin with a step forward.


Today I’m gathering with a beautiful group of soul sisters at For His Glory blog as we study Proverbs 31.  Won’t you join us?  Click the button below to find out more.


16 thoughts on “What if Marriage Wasn’t Designed to Make Us Happy?

  1. Abby, this is wonderful! Yeah, I haven’t felt very holy either lately. I can relate to the examples you gave here, and I so appreciate your transparency. It’s good to know I’m not the only one who snips at my husband now and then! 🙂 I want to share your post with my daughter who is in the beginning stages of dating someone pretty seriously. God’s truth and love permeate your post. Thank you for allowing Him to use you today!


    • I’m so encouraged by the fact that you want to share this with your daughter, Julie. We all experience failure, but it’s what we do with it that determines how our story will go. I really enjoyed your post today, too! It was a beautiful picture of God’s grace and power.


  2. I am so thankful for all the lessons my marriage has taught me, and being a mom for that matter. Talk about a journey out of selfishness. Beautiful picture and so relatable. Thank you.


    • Thank you for your encouraging words today, Kasey. I’m so grateful God gave me a mirror, too, and is still working on molding me into the woman He created me to be.


  3. This is an absolute beautiful post, Abby. Truly. I love the way you write and cut right to the chase. No, I’ve not felt very holy lately and I’ve not looked it, either. And this, “Nothing wipes the honeymoon out of your eyes like the mundane monotony of the day-to-day.” That’s tweet-able for sure. Thanks for the reminder all it takes is one step in the right direction to get from glory to glory…here we go…together. Thank you for linking-up! Love your heart and your words!


    • Thanks for warming my heart today, Meredith. It’s such a joy linking up with you and the other lovely ladies over at your blog. Yes, together, one step at a time.


  4. Yes, this “Nothing wipes the honeymoon out of your eyes like the mundane monotony of the day-to-day.” And this, good conviction, “I’ve withdrawn a loving embrace because I simply didn’t feel like giving it, even though I knew he needed it.” Thank you for this!


  5. Oh my goodness, Abby, I love this so much! Talk about a starting sentence that grabbed my attention! So much wonderful truth here. I’ll have to read back over it, a little slower, and take it all in. Thanks!


    • Thank you so much, Sabra. God has taught me so much through marriage and I’m so grateful to have someone who puts up with me. 😉


  6. Whoa, this really speaks to my heart. If only we could always be reflecting Christ to our husbands. It’s one of the most-beautiful things to me that God designed marriage to sanctify us. What better relationship for that to happen in.


    • Thank you so much for stopping here today, Jaclyn. It is only through Christ I can be the type of wife described in that verse, and I’m so grateful for grace when I fail. Have a blessed weekend!


  7. Love this Abby! That great line about what wipes the honeymoon out of our eyes, awesome. Thank you for reminding me of the great Sacred Marriage study, I did that study with a young girl when I volunteered at a pregnancy center. Good stuff!


Share your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s