As I thought about the list of things I wanted to accomplish over the next few months, my body was consumed with stress. It’s a personal demon I’ve struggled against my entire life, and often when I think I’ve rid myself of him he pounces me in a corner when I’m least expecting it. I sat down to begin the online Bible study which started that day, and quickly realized I had not given myself enough time to get through the lesson.
How was I going to squeeze more hours into the day? How was I going to complete the book proposal that I’d barely started? How was I going to get my tedious, everyday, stay-at-home mom tasks done like the laundry, and dishes, and the homework?
The next day I started having heart palpitations. My two-year-old was also knee-deep in a phase of screaming at a deafening pitch and volume when he doesn’t get what he wants. My response to my physical state was to worry more and go on and endless chase of hypothetical questions which led me to a very dark place.
One day about a week into my Bible study, when I was several days behind, my youngest slept later than usual. I had time to soak in the words and let them penetrate deep into my soul.
When we’re in the battlefield of life, old truths can often take on fresh skin.
The truth that became new to me again was this: He loves me. He loves me despite the unrealistic expectations I place on myself. He loves me so much He prayed for me when He was about to be beaten and hung on a cross to bear the weight of my sin, even though He was perfect in every way.
His love enveloped me like a warm blanket, sheltering me from the tempest I had created in my own mind.
He gave me a Helper so that I am never alone, even when I lock troubles away for fear that releasing them out into the open will make them more real.
As I read His living word, I was filled with joy. I began praying the truths aloud over and over. I sang worship songs aloud. All of these things went contrary to my nature and felt strange and awkward at first. But the more I continued, the more wonderful it felt.
One of the beautiful things about the joy of the Lord is it cannot be contained. It spread to my husband and my kids. We chased bubbles around the back yard and enjoyed spring while the laundry sat piled on the dryer.
My heart is now at peace. Physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
And I know that when He says his peace “will guard (my) heart and mind in Christ Jesus” that he means it in every sense of the word. (Proverbs 3:6)
Linking up with the lovely ladies of Proverbs 31 ministries today for Blog Hop as we go through Wendy Blight’s Bible Study, “Living So That.” Find out more by clicking the button below.