Surprised By Motherhood

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Since the day my first son was born, motherhood has been full of irony and contradictions. I told myself I would give a natural birth and avoid an epidural, but a few hours into labor decided the anesthesiologist was my new best friend. I envisioned myself pushing and bearing my child into the world, but ended up getting cut open in an OR instead. During the midnight feedings I marveled at the tiny frame I carried for nine months and helped mold into existence, but was at the same time terrified that I was the life line, the person this boy’s life depended upon. There were times I wanted to pause the clock just for a moment or an hour so that I would have time to breathe in each moment of my son’s life which was moving so fast I barely had time to take notice. Other times I longed for the next phase when he would be more independent and able to perform routine tasks.

The paradox that amazed me the most about motherhood was while I lost a sense of who I was, in the process I learned more about myself than I had ever known.

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Until becoming a mother, I had always been a very independent person. Or at least I thought I was. And although I am still stubborn and reluctant to listen to advice, I discovered how deeply I need community. I need other moms. I crave interaction and camaraderie and the knowledge that others are enduring the same struggles and sleepless nights. I want someone to tell me I’m not failing and even though it’s kneeling-at-the-feet-of-Jesus hard, I will get through it. I’m going to be ok. I love seeing my children interact with other kids and playing trains with someone other than me. I cannot live without these shared experiences. They give me life and keep me sane.

I spent over a year after my first child was born battling postpartum depression. After finally seeking counseling, I realized that my life isn’t about “me” at all. It’s all for Him. I spent years blindly thinking I was putting more distance between myself and God, and when I finally turned around, fell into the sea of Grace. And now, day after day, I pursue Him. And motherhood was the trigger that pushed me into surrender.

I rediscovered my passion for writing. I began sharing my writing in a way that I never dreamed possible or thought I would be capable of doing. I became braver than I ever knew I was or could be.

There’s no greater freedom than living a life completely surrendered to the One who created it.

 

*This post was written to celebrate the Lisa-Jo Baker’s book, Surprised By Motherhood, which is being released TODAY. Although I’ve only read the first three chapters, I can already tell this is going to be an amazing read. This is the type of book I wished I had when I became a mother. Honest, real, and vulnerable. Like receiving a hug from a long lost friend. You can find out more about the book at http://www.surprisedbymotherhood.com.

 

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2 thoughts on “Surprised By Motherhood

  1. Motherhood was also my trigger for falling more deeply in love with Christ. For me it was based on the realization that I was trying to do it all and just couldn’t…and didn’t want to! I looked at my life and discovered that I was running myself ragged without having any connection to a deeper purpose. I realized that I didn’t need to do it all because I didn’t have anything to prove…Jesus has already proven it for me. So in that way, motherhood was my call to put the brakes on and live my life more purposefully for God.

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