When Doubt Rears Its Shadow

photo courtesy of lindabutlerphoto.com

What if self doubt didn’t have the final say? I wondered as my fingers hovered over the mouse board, dancing with the idea of attending my first writer’s conference. My husband and usual sounding board was away on a business trip, so I sat there for ten minutes having an inner monologue. Finally, I took the leap.

I clicked the register button. Phew! It’s done. Feelings of excitement mixed with nervousness washed over me, and I rode on the high of that combination until the following weekend.

Immediately after opening my eyes and springing forward into Daylight Savings, the uncertainty seeped in. Did I honestly say that I want to meet with a publisher? I’ve never written a book proposal before. I have no list of accolades to add to a query or to present at this meeting. I don’t have 20k + Twitter followers. Who am I to think these people would choose me out of the hundreds looking for a book deal?

At that moment, I felt like Gideon could have been my brother. God had given me confirmation before. I was brainstorming ideas for a book, had a “light bulb” moment, and prayed asking for validation of the road He wanted me to take. He provided. And here I was asking for further proof. Another push.

My devotion that afternoon led me to these verses from Job 42. “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.” As the tears welled in my eyes, I thanked God yet again for his mercy. His patience with me, even when my faith is as tiny as a mustard seed.

I know my future meeting with a publisher may end with a rejection letter. And quite possibly another may follow. But I also know this: I would rather try and fail than spend my life wondering what could have been possible if I went for it. If I went after that dream.

God placed it deep within my heart so many years ago. It’s been molded and etched and pressed upon until I finally realized.

It’s all for Him.

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6 thoughts on “When Doubt Rears Its Shadow

  1. It is amazing the way God continues to support us and encourage us even though we all tend to doubt over and over again. There's no question He is using you in amazing ways! Can't wait to hear more about the conference.

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  2. Hi Abigail, I love how we can trust God's word to encourage and guide us. I am on the same journey with the same feelings, but we serve the same God who will come through for both of us. Thank you so much for sharing!

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  3. Just to encourage you, Abby – go to the conference with a song in your heart, holding lightly to your hopes and dreams and tightly to God's promises. Sounds like the two work against each other, but His promises go further than our dreams. He is ever our Hope. He who has called you will do it.

    I haven't been to a conference in years – my writing took me in other directions for a time – but I'm thinking about going to one this summer, too. Are you going to the one in Philly – Write His Answer? Whether you get picked up or not – you will GROW through the experience! Be inspired! It's like a retreat, really.

    I've got two books I'm working on now – hope to have them self-published by then and will have a total of three to take with me. But, only as God makes the way.

    Love your thoughts expressed in your posts – be ye blessed.

    Stopping by from Lisa Jo's –
    Joy!
    Kathy

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  4. Thank you so much for your encouraging words, Kathryn. What you said does make sense, because my hopes and dreams belong to Him. I am attending She Speaks (there's a link in the sidebar of my blog) which is actually for speakers and writers, but I'm taking the writer's track. I've actually met several women online in the past couple of weeks who are attending and they have inspired me and made me realize I will not be alone! Looking forward to the growth I know I will experience there.

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