This week I had one of those epic mom fail moments. You see, for those of you who don’t know me, I am a stay-at-home mom. My oldest is five and started kindergarten this year. I honestly never thought kindergarten could make a mom feel so unorganized and inadequate. When I was his age (yes, I said it), I spent a total of three hours at school and took a nap there. My son is there a full day, has no nap, and comes home with homework and a folder full of flyers, papers for parents to sign and return, and announcements every day. But I digress.
So on Wednesday I had one of those moments when all I wanted to do was find a hole to crawl into and bury my head. I feel as though I’ve been in a fog the past few weeks and it finally culminated a couple of days ago when I was given a not-so-subtle alarm to snap out of it.
My haze started in mid October when our family faced financial difficulties as a result of the government shut down. Later that week a long distance phone call to my parents revealed that my brother, who suffers from drug addiction, had been arrested. A couple of days later our furnace stopped working, leaving me stressed about our already shrinking bank account.
In the midst of my haze, I somehow forgot that my son got out of school three hours early on Wednesday. There was no flyer sent home and as a mom of a high maintenance two-year-old who relies heavily on reminders of dates and changes in schedules, I was out of the loop. So that afternoon I heard someone banging on our front door while my youngest was napping. Of course, my first response was annoyance because I didn’t want them to wake my son.
Imagine my surprise when I look out the window and see my kindergartner standing there with my neighbor and her two boys. My neighbor with the perfectly manicured yard, who is head of the PTA and highly involved in the day to day activities of the school. My neighbor who was kind enough to walk my son home from school when his oblivious mom forgot.
I thanked her repeatedly and my son, fortunately, could’ve cared less who walked him home. So did I move on? No. I spent the next couple of days worrying. Far too little time rejoicing in the fact that my son was safe, and too much time wrapped in my insecurity over what others would think. I would be know as that mom. The scatter-brained mom.
I am so grateful for Chapter 5 of A Confident Heart because Renee reminded me that what others think about me is ultimately unimportant. What God thinks of me, however, is endlessly important. And to God, I am a masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works. Yes, I will fail. I will make mistakes. But if I learn from them and confess my sins before God, He is just and faithful to forgive, to give me a clean slate and remember my sins and mistakes no more. Thank you, Jesus.
As I move forward, I find so much freedom in praying and speaking God’s promises aloud. I will continue to meditate on them each day. Speaking aloud gives my mind less room to be distracted. I spend far to much time feeling anxious about the opinion of others, and must move out of the shadow of insecurity and into the light of my Savior. He is the God of second chances. A God whose love is perfect even when I am not. I will stop looking in the rearview mirror, dwelling on my past failures, and look to my bright and shining future. A future declared by My Father to have purpose and meaning. A plan to prosper and not to harm.