I am a worrier. During periods of my life when there are a lot of changes taking place, I often have nights of little to no sleep. My mind races. I go through thousands of different scenarios in my head of things that could happen. Things that could go wrong. The “what ifs.” My thoughts will go into the future, outside of the grace of God, constantly wondering instead of just trusting. Spending time in an endless wheel of stress that does nothing except add more gray hairs to my head. Because that’s exactly what worrying accomplishes. Nothing.
When we worry, we’re basically telling God that He’s not big enough to handle our problems. To take care of us. That somehow he’s unaware of what’s going on in our lives.
Over the past few years, I have become much better at letting go. God has put me in situations where I had no choice. With moving. With finding a home. With finances. With making new friends. I had to surrender and simply say, “God, you’ve got this. I am counting on you.” It is still a constant battle, but I’m learning each day.
In a week, I will be facing another major change in which I have no control. My oldest son will be starting kindergarten. It will be a major transition and I know it will take the entire family some time to adjust. And although each day I pray for the Lord to protect Jaden and ease him into this new phase of his life, I can feel the nagging of worry in the back of my head threatening to take over.
How tired is he going to be after being in school for nearly eight hours? Will he eat at lunch or piddle around like he often does? Will he adjust to the structure of having almost his entire day on schedule? And then there’s the big one…will the teachers and staff remember his tree nut and peanut allergy?
Yes, my son has food allergies. We carry an Epi-pen everywhere. But that is another blog post for another day.
I have to admit, it will be a breath of fresh air to not have to listen to the constant bickering and whining between my two sons. To not have to play the mediator the entire day. But I sure am going to miss my sweet boy as he enters this new phase.
God, help me to remember that you love my son more than I do. You know the number of hairs on his head and knit him together in my womb. He is yours and you will take care of him, each step of the way.